2/04/2008

Giants... - 2/04/08, SGM

Here's an analogy that seems pretty appropriate given last night's game:

Imagine going out to a bar and meeting an unbelievable chick. She's 5'6", blonde, thin, with a great face and big cans. You start talking, and not only is she interesting and sociable, but she does that thing where she laughs and touches your arm whenever you make a joke that goes over well. As the night progresses, you avoid or overcome a bunch of potential deal-breakers: her unattractive friend who keeps frowning and pointedly talking about how she isn't having a good time; the aggressive dickhead you find talking to her when you come back from the bathroom; the weird older guy who keeps interjecting himself into your conversations. Not only are you on your game, but you've never been on your game like this. The two of you keep drinking, and eventually decide to go back to her place. At her apartment, things progress pretty quickly: one thing leads to another and you start banging this unbelievable girl. She says it's "no big deal" if you don't wear a condom, but you do anyway just to be awesome. After banging for a reasonably long time, you realize that, if your instincts are correct, you might be on the verge of a rare, if not unprecidented, simultaneous orgasm. You think to yourself: "I always wondered if I would recognize the single greatest moment of my life as it was happening". Twenty seconds later, her cat, who hissed at you when you originally entered the apartment, but who you've since nearly forgotten about, jumps onto your back and takes a giant dump.

Giant dump? New York Giants? Coincidence? Not a fucking chance.

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