A couple things have gotten me thinking about theme songs recently. The first was Drew from deadspin talking about how he would play A Song for the Deaf by Queens of the Stone Age for his team to run out onto the field to if he's ever a big time football coach. He would also request red lights for night games to "set the tone for an absolute bloodbath." Pretty cool. The other incident occurred at the Nuthouse when Thunderstruck by AC/DC was playing on the jukebox, and my friend Tom suddenly said, "If I'm ever a major league closer, this is the song I'm gonna run out of the bullpen to." One of the more random but completely satisfying conversation starters I've heard in quite some time. Not that I've ever forgotten anything that's ever happened at the Nuthouse, but I forgot which song he had said that night, so I emailed him later, and here was his reply:
Hey John,
I would run out to the mound to "Thunderstruck" by AC/DC.
Also, when I strike someone out, over the stadium PA would play the part in the song that
goes "you've been (drums drums drums) THUNDERSTRUCK" and "THUNDERSTRUCK" would flash on
the jumbotron and all the fans would yell "THUNDERSTRUCK". It would be awesome.
Tom
I don't think I can beat either of those, but the song I would want to run out of the bullpen to would be On Call by Kings of Leon. It would start at the beginning with that weird synthesizer sound. The crowd and opposing team would instantly recognize the song and be like, "Oh shit, Welsh is coming in. This game is over." Then it would skip to 2:45 into the song (I'm pretty sure they could digitally remaster that for a big time closer like myself) when only the bass is playing and everything is quiet, and then when the rest of the band kicks in, the bullpen gate would burst open and I'd appear looking really pissed off. When the songs starts saying, "I'd come running," I wouldn't even think about running. I'd walk as slow as possible so that the batter would be so nervous about striking out and embarassing himself, it would be a relief when it actually happened.
2/19/2008
2/10/2008
Pedro Martinez y Juan Marichel 2/10/08 jpw
Was anyone else surprised at the lack of violence in the
Pedro Martinez cockfighting video? I know it's cruel,
inhumane, and the birds die, but if that's what cockfighting
is like, is it really that enjoyable to watch? I sometimes
take morning dumps that are more violent than that. It kind
of reminds me of the time when I was a kid that Matt Sweeton
and I biked to Wal-Mart to buy a female Chinese fighting
fish and two males, because he wanted to make them fight.
The lady at Wal-Mart would only sell us one male because she
said they would fight (Would anyone buy these fish for
another purpose?), so we had to bike to K-Mart to get the
other male. When we got back to Matt's house and dropped
them all in a bowl together, do you know what happened?
Nothing! I mean, maybe one of them changed colors a tiny
bit, but there was no biting or pecking or thrashing or whatever it is
fish do when they fight. Matt had made a horrible
investment of approximately $6. I suppose Pedro lost more
than that with his bird, but it still wasn't very exciting.
They just kept flapping their feathers everywhere with no
blood or anything. After about five seconds you couldn't tell
which bird was which, and all of the sudden one of them was
lying lifeless on the ground and the camera switched over to
Pedro who was sitting with a little grin on his face like
Johan Santana had just given up a home run to Chipper Jones
or something (hi Nark). Now I can kind of see why Michael Vick was
into dogfighting. If you are going to do something hideous
and inhumane on the black market, there might as well be
tons of violence and growling and blood and that sort of
thing. Of course, my dogfighting knowledge is based solely on
two movies: Amores Perros (a Cmah recommendation) and Fresh
(a Big Daddy Drew recommendation), so I may be completely off
base when I say that dogfighting is a much more entertaining way to get
arrested than cockfighting or fishfighting.
Pedro Martinez cockfighting video? I know it's cruel,
inhumane, and the birds die, but if that's what cockfighting
is like, is it really that enjoyable to watch? I sometimes
take morning dumps that are more violent than that. It kind
of reminds me of the time when I was a kid that Matt Sweeton
and I biked to Wal-Mart to buy a female Chinese fighting
fish and two males, because he wanted to make them fight.
The lady at Wal-Mart would only sell us one male because she
said they would fight (Would anyone buy these fish for
another purpose?), so we had to bike to K-Mart to get the
other male. When we got back to Matt's house and dropped
them all in a bowl together, do you know what happened?
Nothing! I mean, maybe one of them changed colors a tiny
bit, but there was no biting or pecking or thrashing or whatever it is
fish do when they fight. Matt had made a horrible
investment of approximately $6. I suppose Pedro lost more
than that with his bird, but it still wasn't very exciting.
They just kept flapping their feathers everywhere with no
blood or anything. After about five seconds you couldn't tell
which bird was which, and all of the sudden one of them was
lying lifeless on the ground and the camera switched over to
Pedro who was sitting with a little grin on his face like
Johan Santana had just given up a home run to Chipper Jones
or something (hi Nark). Now I can kind of see why Michael Vick was
into dogfighting. If you are going to do something hideous
and inhumane on the black market, there might as well be
tons of violence and growling and blood and that sort of
thing. Of course, my dogfighting knowledge is based solely on
two movies: Amores Perros (a Cmah recommendation) and Fresh
(a Big Daddy Drew recommendation), so I may be completely off
base when I say that dogfighting is a much more entertaining way to get
arrested than cockfighting or fishfighting.
2/04/2008
Giants... - 2/04/08, SGM
Here's an analogy that seems pretty appropriate given last night's game:
Imagine going out to a bar and meeting an unbelievable chick. She's 5'6", blonde, thin, with a great face and big cans. You start talking, and not only is she interesting and sociable, but she does that thing where she laughs and touches your arm whenever you make a joke that goes over well. As the night progresses, you avoid or overcome a bunch of potential deal-breakers: her unattractive friend who keeps frowning and pointedly talking about how she isn't having a good time; the aggressive dickhead you find talking to her when you come back from the bathroom; the weird older guy who keeps interjecting himself into your conversations. Not only are you on your game, but you've never been on your game like this. The two of you keep drinking, and eventually decide to go back to her place. At her apartment, things progress pretty quickly: one thing leads to another and you start banging this unbelievable girl. She says it's "no big deal" if you don't wear a condom, but you do anyway just to be awesome. After banging for a reasonably long time, you realize that, if your instincts are correct, you might be on the verge of a rare, if not unprecidented, simultaneous orgasm. You think to yourself: "I always wondered if I would recognize the single greatest moment of my life as it was happening". Twenty seconds later, her cat, who hissed at you when you originally entered the apartment, but who you've since nearly forgotten about, jumps onto your back and takes a giant dump.
Giant dump? New York Giants? Coincidence? Not a fucking chance.
Imagine going out to a bar and meeting an unbelievable chick. She's 5'6", blonde, thin, with a great face and big cans. You start talking, and not only is she interesting and sociable, but she does that thing where she laughs and touches your arm whenever you make a joke that goes over well. As the night progresses, you avoid or overcome a bunch of potential deal-breakers: her unattractive friend who keeps frowning and pointedly talking about how she isn't having a good time; the aggressive dickhead you find talking to her when you come back from the bathroom; the weird older guy who keeps interjecting himself into your conversations. Not only are you on your game, but you've never been on your game like this. The two of you keep drinking, and eventually decide to go back to her place. At her apartment, things progress pretty quickly: one thing leads to another and you start banging this unbelievable girl. She says it's "no big deal" if you don't wear a condom, but you do anyway just to be awesome. After banging for a reasonably long time, you realize that, if your instincts are correct, you might be on the verge of a rare, if not unprecidented, simultaneous orgasm. You think to yourself: "I always wondered if I would recognize the single greatest moment of my life as it was happening". Twenty seconds later, her cat, who hissed at you when you originally entered the apartment, but who you've since nearly forgotten about, jumps onto your back and takes a giant dump.
Giant dump? New York Giants? Coincidence? Not a fucking chance.
2/02/2008
The phone, the phone, where's the fucking phone? 2-2-08 jpw
My chemical engineering friend Tom from
When I woke up this morning, I couldn’t find my brand new cell phone that came in the mail yesterday or Randy’s sunglasses which had been in the same pocket. I did find some bubblegum, a Peter Meter (which is pretty much what it sounds like), a quarter, a $10 bill, and a can of Husky, though. As I ransacked Tiny House trying to find the phone in a scene resembling this clip <
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