An apology 9/2/07

For most of my life, I’ve been a student-athlete, not a public blogger, so, you know, I really don’t know, you know, how to type what I really want to type.

You know, I understand it’s — it’s important or not important, you know, as far as what you type but how you type things. So, you know, I take this opportunity just to write from the heart.

First, I want to apologize, you know, for all the things that — that I’ve done and that I have allowed to happen. I want to personally apologize to commissioner Google, The Hold Steady, coach Pat Welsh, my IM softball teammates, you know, for my — for my previous discussions about them on this blog. And I was not honest and forthright in my discussions, and, you know, I was ashamed and totally disappointed in myself to say the least.

I want to apologize to all the young bloggers out there for my immature acts and, you know, what I did was, what I did was very immature so that means I need to grow up.

I totally ask for forgiveness and understanding as I move forward to bettering John Welsh the person, not the blogger.

I take full responsibility for my actions. For one second will I sit right here — not for one second will I sit right here and point the finger and try to blame anybody else for my actions or what I’ve done.

I’m totally responsible, and those things just didn’t have to happen. I feel like we all make mistakes. It’s just I made a mistake in using bad judgment and making bad decisions. And you know, those things, you know, just can’t happen.

Ending a blog before you say you will is a terrible thing, and I did reject it.

I’m upset with myself, and, you know, through this situation I found Jesus and asked him for forgiveness and turned my life over to God. And I think that’s the right thing to do as of right now.

Like I said, for this — for this entire situation I never pointed the finger at anybody else, I accepted responsibility for my actions of what I did and now I have to pay the consequences for it. But in a sense, I think it will help, you know, me as a person. I got a lot to think about in the next year or so.

I offer my deepest apologies to everybody out in there in the world wide web who was affected by this whole situation. And if I’m more disappointed with myself than anything it’s because of all the young people, young bloggers that I’ve let down, who look at John Welsh as a role model. And to have to go through this and put myself in this situation, you know, I hope that every young blogger out there in the world reading this post right now who’s been following the blog will use me as an example to using better judgment and making better decisions.

Once again, I offer my deepest apologies to everyone. And I will redeem myself. I have to.

So I got a lot of down time, a lot of time to think about my actions and what I’ve done and how to make John Welsh a better person.

Thanks you.

Penultimate post 9/1/07

(A game between the Mets and Braves in Atlanta is about to start. Nark is watching it on Fox. I don’t have a tv.)

Welsh: Cmah doesn't have Fox, but we're gonna go to his friends house in a bit anyways to watch.

Welsh: I'll gamecast it until then.

Nark: Nice...

Nark: David Eckstein is accepting some ridiculous award on fox right now. I hate that guy.

Welsh: Oh man! I can't believe we don't get Fox.

Nark: Pathetic really.

Welsh: You're making this up aren't you?

Nark: No, he was really on.

Nark: It's the "Byrnsie Awards" the moron announcer for Fox.

Welsh: I'm doing a drink for Eckstein.

Welsh: Even though it makes no sense, because he doesn't drink.

Nark: What!?!?! You've started drinking already? I was waiting for the game to start to get it going.

Nark: not drinking = another reason I hate Eckstein

Nark: I'm going to grab a beer, and a bag of Tostitos Scoops.

Welsh: I love that guy; he plays the game the right way; he doesn't need booze to feel successful.

Welsh: Unlike us.

Nark: Agreed.

Nark: You know I just badmouth him because I know he's your favorite player, right?

Welsh: I hate you so much.

Nark: Thanks.

Nark: We're three minutes from first pitch. Have you found a TV yet?

Welsh: No; it will be a few innings.

Welsh: I'll just say "Hey, wha happened?" after every other pitch.

Nark: Right now you're missing Marlon Anderson (the greatest pinch hitter of all time) read off the Mets starting line-up. Seriously, what kind of morons are in charge of Fox

Nark: Are you ready? Sing it with me.... Jo-se, Jose Jose Jose!!!! Jo-se! Jo-se!!!

Welsh: Ok, you don't have to do a play-by-play.

(Jose Reyes flies out to start the game.)

Nark: Damnit. Flyout to Willie Harris...

Nark: So what can you tell me about Mr. Chuck James?

Welsh: Best name in baseball.

Welsh: Marginal pitcher.

Welsh: Second year pitcher.

Welsh: From Atlanta just like half of the team.

Nark: I'll admit it's a great name. And he didn't look too bad there setting the Mets down in order.

Nark: Pete Moylan just referred to Mr. Chuck James as "pitching God Chuck James."

Nark: I'm not making this shit up.

Welsh: Alright, we've got Willie, Kelly, and Chipper coming up.

Welsh: How threatening are those names, eh?

Nark: Actually, don't you have Willie, Kelly and Leroy coming up?

Welsh: It's Larry, and if you call him that again, this running diary is ending immediately.

Nark: Sorry, Larry.

Nark: I'm embarrassed for myself, my team, and my entire family.

Nark: I need another beer.

Welsh: I wish I could hit your head with a bottle just hard enough that it didn't break.

Nark: I hear that's a pretty good time. I would recommend giving it a try. In fact, maybe we should arrange a broken bottle over the head bet on this game.

Welsh: I need a few more beers to make that broken bottle bet.

Welsh: Give me a couple innings.

Nark: I'm still reeling from the Leroy incident. It's going to take me a bit of time to get myself back together here.

Welsh: I think you would get your ass kicked faster in Queens for screwing that up than you would in Atlanta.

Nark: Agreed. Jesus, I gotta get my act together.

Nark: How excited does that shot of Pedro, in uniform, in the Mets dugout make you?

Welsh: Doesn't he have like a 6.00 ERA in single A?

Nark: Irrelevant. I hear those guys he was pitching against are really good. And he's looked great pitching in the bullpen. I mean, seriously, isn't Yi Jianlin a can't miss NBA star based on his post up ability against those chairs?

Welsh: You're talking about "The Chairman?”

Nark: Exactly.

(Carlos Delgado hits into a double play.)

Nark: Carlos Delgado has turned into Julio Franco this year. Whenever he gets to the plate in a situation where the Mets can really get a rally going, he grounds into a double play and ends the threat.

Welsh: What do you think Franco is thinking as he watches this game?

Nark: Wow. Good question. I have no idea. I think he's probably just eating some egg whites and getting excited to kill a rally for the Braves.

Welsh: The braves cut him when Mark T came in.

Nark: I thought they called him up today with the roster expansion...

Welsh: Please tell me you’re joking.

Nark: I wouldn't make this stuff up...

Welsh: Maybe he can pitch 5th in their rotation…

Welsh: Side note: I heard Mark Lemke made a comeback as a knuckler a few years back.

Nark: Maybe. I hear it was a toss-up between him and Jose Canseco. On that subject, what would you do if things got so bad that the Braves actually considered signing Jose Canseco to join the rotation?

Welsh: It's gotten so bad recently, I don't think I'd be all that surprised.

Nark: Brutal....

Nark: Are you seeing the Burger King Hot Zone right now???

Welsh: No, I'm still at Cmah's.

Nark: Unbelievable. I'll let you experience it for yourself when you find a TV.

Nark: Can I also say that it makes me exceptionally happy to see Ricky Henderson as the Mets first base coach? I know we shared a few emails on this subject, but I think it's worth taking a quick flashback and sharing some favorite Ricky moments...

Welsh: "Today, I am the greatest player in baseball history."

Welsh: The Rolaids commercial....

Welsh: The Oakleys….

Nark: Pretty much inventing the athlete speaking in the third person.

Nark: Total side note here: My roomate (a girl) has joined the room. She's peppering me with questions such as "Are the Mets and Braves in the same division?"

Nark: I feel like my head is going to explode.

Nark: Second sidenote: She claims to be a HUGE Yankees fan. Perhaps I should have done a bit more research before I moved in with her.

SEVERAL INNINGS PASS

Welsh: Alright, so the A's are on Fox instead at our new location.

Nark: Brutal!!

Welsh: Think I could steal your mlbtv just this once?

Nark: Absolutely.

Welsh: Password?

DELETED

Welsh: Actually, the first one worked but the game is blacked out.

Welsh: I got audio, though.

Nark: Tragic. Listen to the wfan version... : )

Welsh: I got it.

Nark: Nice.

Nark: You just missed the Beltran home run....(in the top of the 7th)

Welsh: Freaking Beltran; good thing you aren't GM or else they would still have Mike Cameron.

Nark: I still like Mike Cameron better.

Welsh: I would trade Andruw for Cameron straight up in a heartbeat.

Nark: The pitch he put out was unbelievable. He was way out in front and looked like he just stuck the bat out there.

Nark: What's the deal with Andruw Jones anyways?

Welsh: He is fat and strikes out all the time.

Welsh: He also doesn't get to as many balls as he used to.

Welsh: I'm not gonna care when he walks after this year.

Nark: How old is he?

Welsh: 30?

Welsh: He was 19 when he came up.

Nark: Fair enough.

Nark: He must be a very discouraging guy to root for. So many physical tools. Always looking like he doesn't give a shit. Actually reminds me a lot of Beltran.

Welsh: Want to trade?

Nark: Ummm........ no.

Welsh: Jones has gotten alot slower and only tries to hit home runs now.

Nark: Oh Jesus. Time for the Mets bullpen...

Welsh: Yes! They took out Pelfrey after only 1 hit.

Nark: And gave the ball to an overused, exhausted and, lately, completely ineffective bullpen.

Welsh: Maybe they want him to break Anthony Young's record.

Welsh: You know, keep it in the organization.

Nark: Hahaha....

(Bottom of the 7th)

Welsh: A swing and a miss....

Welsh: An Andruw Jones strike out!

Nark: The fox announcers spent his whole at bat saying "He'd be having a much better year if he didn't keep trying to hit home runs every time he came up."

Welsh: Let's just say I haven't even seen a live at bat from him this year, and even I know that.

Welsh: How about this, if the Braves lose by more runs than they are down now (3), I'll break a bottle over my head.

Welsh: If the Braves win, you break a bottle over your head.

Nark: Deal.

Nark: Dude, the Braves pitching really is embarrassing right now. The guy they've got throwing now looks like he's 14 and scared to death.

(Jose Reyers is hit by a pitch.)

Welsh: Take out Reyes’ shins - a solid plan…

Nark: Have I mentioned that he's the most exciting player in baseball yet?

Welsh: No, but you did mention that the Braves current pitcher called Chuck James a "God."

(Jose Reyes steals second then is picked off.)

Nark: Embarrassing....

Nark: Sloppy, sloppy baserunning.

Welsh: That was so exciting!

Nark: In other news, did I just hear that Roger McDowell is the Braves pitching coach?

Welsh: Yup.

Nark: That's not crazy Roger McDowell who used to pitch for the Mets, is it?

Welsh: Yeah, that's him.

Welsh: I would trade Andruw for the Orioles for Mazzone.

Nark: Mazzone might help a bit.

Welsh: Blackjack McDowell also played in a Christian band and once flipped off the White Sox fans when they booed him. (False information on my part. Roger McDowell pitched for the Mets as Nark claims and is now the Braves pitching coach. Jack McDowell pitched for the White Sox and, later, the Yankees. He flipped off the Yankees fans, not the White Sox. Also, upon further review, it is still undetermined whether or not his current band is a Christian rock band.)

Nark: Wow... nice knowledge....

Welsh: My early 90's baseball knowledge is one of my most prized attributes. (Even when it’s blatantly wrong?)

Welsh: Oh my God, Franco is batting!

Welsh: You weren't lying…

Nark: I told you, you can't make this shit up!!!

Nark: Quick out. Going back to eat some egg whites.

Welsh: "Franco flies out to Alou." If I didn't know better, I'd think it was 1996….

Nark: Or 1985.

Welsh: Do you think Franco jiggles while he walks and never runs or looks back?

Nark: Yes, yes I do.

(Kelly Johnson strikes out in the bottom of the 8th.)

Welsh: Kelly struck out....what a girl.

Nark: You're rolling at this point. Rolling.

Welsh: I will say this - if the Braves ever had 4 hitters in a row to overcome a 3 run lead, I'd take the 4 that are coming up in the 9th. (Chipper, Mark T., Brian McCann, and Jeff Francoeur.)

Nark: Unless Beltran makes it a four run deficit.

Nark: I swear to God, every pitcher that comes in for the Braves looks like he's just gotten out of Middle School.

Welsh: As long as it's an Atlanta middle school, you might be right.

Nark: Lol.

Welsh: I haven't exactly "watched" alot of games this year - just follow every stat on espn.com.

Welsh: I thought Kelly Johnson was black until after the all-star break.

Nark: It almost makes you want to move back close to home so that you can actually watch some of these games, huh?

Welsh: Or have enough money to get cable.

Nark: Did you get my note earlier about my roomate, the female Yankees "fan"?

Welsh: Yeah.

Nark: Another gem of a comment: The announcers were just talking about Big Papi. She exclaims very loudly "I HATE Papi!"..... a slight pause.... "Papi is the one with the dreadlocks, right?"...........

Nark: me: "No, that's Manny."

Nark: her: "Oh yeah, that's right! I HATE Manny!!! He threw that old Yankees coach onto the ground! I HATE him!!!"

Nark: me: Shaking my head, and refusing to comment anymore.

Welsh: I just threw up in my mouth.

(Paul Lo Duca flies out to end the top of the 9th, but not before Beltran scores on a Delgado sac fly to put me on the verge of having to break a bottle over my head.)

Welsh: Do you think the same thing I do whenever you hear the name Lo Duca?

Nark: Yes. yes, I do. Didn't you get stuck doing one off of Dragone?

Welsh: Marcus.

Welsh: I asked Mucchetti, but he said he was too hairy.

(Pedro Feliciano is pitching for the Mets.)

Welsh: Fellacio just struck out Chipper and Mark T.

Welsh: I could have sworn he would "blow" this save.

Nark: And Mark T. was embarrassing.

Nark: Not a great looking at bat.

Welsh: I'm prepping for the old bottle to the head.

Nark: Hahaha....

Nark: You don't really have to do it. Unless we're both really, really drunk tonight, and I decide to call you on it.

Welsh: I'll do it. I'm a man of my words.

Welsh: I play the game the right way!

Nark: Just like Daniel Eckstein

Nark: Kidding.

Welsh: World Series MVP, what happened to the Mets last season?

Nark: You just sealed the deal on that bottle thing... low blow.

Welsh: Ok, I need to go.

Welsh: I'll call you when the bottle gets broken.

Nark: Me too. Good to "talk" to you about the game.

Welsh: One last thing.....

Nark: What's that?

Welsh: Did you know Willie Randolph has the same birthday as me?

Nark: WHAT?!?! awesome...

Welsh: I learned that back in my "memorizing baseball card stats" days.

Welsh: July 6.

Welsh: Alright, I gotta go.

Nark: Alright man. Call me after a few more drinks when you're ready for that bottle.

(Editor's note: the bottle was never broken, but before the night was over worse damage was done to my head than any bottle could do. Bad decisions were made.)

His judegment cometh...and that right soon 8/30/07

So this blog is coming to an end. I know I said I would keep it going until the Braves were finished. I lied. I'm sorry. They are fading so fast, they might sign Shea Hillenbrand just so someone can write, "The ship is sinking," on the locker room chalk board, but they still have at least a month left. I'm bored with talking about myself, though. This blog made it through 91 posts in 113 days, which is about 85 posts and 106 days longer than I anticipated. I'll have a final post on Saturday and possibly one more before that, and I'll leave some of the older posts up for a while. It's been real. As a good friend once told me, "Get busy living, or get busy blogging."

draft day 8/19/07

So Hanley is taking a foray into fantasy football this year. The only problem is that he is in Mexico and today was draft day, so he gave me the keys for his team. My first order of business was to try to change the team name from Team Hanley to The Pit Bulls. It didn't work. Here's how the draft transpired:

12:50 draft in 10 minutes; we pick 10th (last) in the first round and 11th (first) in the second round; this is actually what I was hoping for; if I had picks 3-7 I was considering trading down in the first round; I'll explain as the draft goes on

12:53 just talked to hanley about my strategy; he is in a car just outside San Antonio

1:00 draft starting; i'm giddy

1:07 i got maroney and bush; i let rudi johnson slip, but i like both these guys, and i think hanley does too; this is his team after all; at least their names aren't gay; i'm hoping one of the big 4 qbs is left at #30

1:10 3 of the top 4 qb's are already gone within 15 picks; these guys are crazy; no way does carson palmer slip to me at #30 now

1:11 debating what to do about the qb scenario; i don't think anyone left other than palmer is worth a 30 or 31 pick; kitna is my sleeper (hanley may kill me if he has to start kitna, but he has mike martz as his coach and a bunch of good receivers) maybe he will be around at #50

1:15 someone took bulger at 20; my head might explode; i wish i knew the guy so i could make fun of him

1:18 palmer gone; tons of good rb's left; stocking rb's is exactly what hanley told me not to do; oh god

1:21 someone took TO; glad it wasn't me

1:31 i'm in shock; so travis henry slipped a ton to me at #30; turns out he has a sprained knee; i'm such an amateur; i also picked up randy moss, so it was a sketchy round overall; i need a qb; come on kitna baby

1:35 vy gone; i knew someone would take him early; i love him, but the titans are gonna be terrible this year, and he's not a stats guy; i think we all know the only thing he does...

1:44 another near heart attack - there are no te's in this league; i was looking like crazy for antonio gates and freaking out on the clock until i realized it; i still got marshawn lynch (a sleeper) and my man kitna at #51; i'm telling you he'll be way better than hasselback (#34) and vy (#41) and about as good as bulger (#20!) and mcnabb (#29); everything is fine; just KEEP YOUR COOL!!!

2:23 ok, sorry for the break; i just picked up 4 straight wr's from the pu pu platter; sorry hanley; i say wait for travis henry's mri to be ok and try to trade him for calvin johnson or roy williams

2:25 someone took jerry porter; i'm glad it wasn't me

2:26 someone just got a huge steal in cadillac williams at #98; they obviously knew the format and draft rules better than me

2:27 you know what all the scouts do in Moneyball when they are sitting around in a tense room? that's what i'm doing now, good stuff

2:28 another steal for someone with jerious norwood; i hate myself....and travis henry

2:29 matt stover!!! the first player taken that was on Tecmo Super Bowl!

2:31 joe horn - somebody find me a cell phone

2:38 just got more receiver pu pu and the cowboy's defense; they were high on my list but low on espn's, probably because espn considers special teams; i really should look into the rules more

2:39 sweetasianHEAT just said my receiver might not make the team? he's on the raiders! i could make that team; what makes this guy so smart anyway?

2:46 i only have kickers, defense and qbs left; i'm feeling brodie croyle right now...

2:54 someone took wes welker at #128; i should have snagged him

2:55 i got olindo mare (kicks on turf - can't be that hard) and matt shaub; hey, shaub is a great backup which is exactly what he will be doing on hanley's team

2:57 team hanley will be playing tincan (not tinman) in the first week; he has gore and mcgahee which scares me but hasseback as qb, so we've got him there; of course he has reggie wayne and a bunch of other better receivers; hanley, make some trades for receivers soon...and don't kill me

3:05 i have 3 picks left including the last pick of the draft; i wanted to take jerramy stevens with the last pick, but there are no te's; not sure i can wait that long for croyle; i need a kicker with a funny name

3:08 i got croyle (roll tide) and the packers defense; it's cold in green bay and aj hawk has a hot girlfriend

3:09 doug flutie isn't listed among kickers? cmon!

3:11 i've got some decisions to make on this kicker - the wise thing might be a saints backup in case mare starts sucking; the highest rated kickers left with funny names are josh scobee (sounds like an std), mike "don't call me ted" nugent, and jay feeley from the dolphins who i could have sworn was a qb; from the all d-bag team sebastian janikowski and mike vanderjagt are also left

3:13 scabees is gone

3:17 uh oh, ted nugent also gone

3:18 who's it gonna be?

3:22 with the last pick in the draft, Team Hanley selects......Sebastian Janikowski; going for character and chemistry here

3:25 summary: i got both the rbs and qb i wanted for my draft position; happy about that; also got one of the kickers i wanted; not so much on defense, and if randy moss doesn't perform, receivers might be awful; moss and janikowski are wishing i had ricky williams to roll a few with them

8/16/07

They say neither the day nor the hour is known for the second coming of Christ at the apocalypse. Fortunately, this blog is not a divine institution, so I can officially declare when it will end. After long deliberations, I've decided to extend the blog from my initial 100-days length (which is ending sometime soon) until the Braves season is officially over. With any luck, this will be in October and not September. With incredible luck, it might even be November.

HR trivia 8/7/07

Ring came with me to trivia tonight. Everyone else sold out, so we only had a team of two. We still did pretty well and were even one point shy of a perfect score on a movie trivia round before eventually getting creamed the last few rounds. Early in the night we saw Bonds hit number 756 on the tv in the bar. Congratulations, Barry, on cheating your way to the two most hallowed records in sports. This led into a heated debate over whether or not we would throw the ball back if we caught it. I maintained that I would do it even if it meant sacrificing a few hundo thousands. You've got to have standards no matter what. Besides, I would always be remembered as the guy that threw up the ultimate protest in favor of fair play, which would be alot better than being remembered as that Mets jackass that actually caught it. Plus, I would get to go on talk shows and wax poetic about being a walk-on athlete and trying to achieve my dreams while "playing the game the right way." I think I almost had Ring on my side by the end of it.

8/4/07

There was a chemical engineering sponsored gathering this afternoon. It involved free beer and burritos. What a great idea. I think I would be less upset if sliced bread had never been invented. Since it was sponsored by Bobby's research group, he also brought his "behgs" which was another great idea. I played with Ring who was a natural, probably because he is from the Midwest. We won all of our games except against Bobby, but we were still 1-1 against his team. After dinner we played beirut until the wee hours of the morning. Ring was not a natural, and we lost all our games. Of course, I wasn't any better and lost another game or two playing with Bobby.

home 7/12/07

On my first morning back in Tennessee, I fulfilled my only birthday present (besides another back pain remedy for the third straight year)by going to get clothes with my mom. I figured this would be like most of my shopping experiences in that it would take me about a minute to size up the store and find the sale racks and good deals, another minute to pick stuff out, and another couple minutes to try stuff on. The only difference would be that my mom would be paying. Sounds good on paper until my grandmother showed up with my mom. I'm not going to say any more other than that when I was done (and hoped to God they were getting close) one of them said to the other, "Do you know where the make-up section is?" I spent the afternoon playing golf with my dad, running with my brother, and watching old high school wrestling tapes with some family friends. The difference between heaven and hell is significantly less than my morning and afternoon today. I'm convinced of this.

As God is my witness 6/27/07

My ticket for wearing my seatbelt finally came in the mail. It was $100. A Hundred Freaking Dollars! Are kidding me? Unbelievable. I'm trying to think of a good description for how upset I was after opening that envelope, but I think this video does a much better job:

http://www.mypartypost.com/watchvideo/1219/Chris_Farley_Hidden_Camera_Commercials


Postscript: My friend Sandeep got a $400 ticket last week for running a stoplight in San Francisco. On the otherhand, a certain person who will remain anonymous once got a ticket while driving 100 mph across Arkansas at 6:00 am, likely still a bit drunk from the night before. It cost him $112.

An interview 6/22/07

He once finished second in a nice-off contested by only two people. Sometimes you can't see his tree for the forest. He don't know where he's going, and he don't know why. A man like no other, Mr. Mark R. Brissette.

http://tullawho.googlepages.com/ListenToYourHeartDanceRemix.mp3

JPW2: So you are living in Boulder now. What would you say... ya do there?

Nark: You know how the good riders in the Tour de France have domestiques that do all the grunt work for them? I have a similar gig in Boulder except I like to call myself a "domestic" and you have to replace "good rider" with Tom McArdle. And I pronounce it "Tour Day France."

On a typical day I get up early to cook breakfast for Tom. If it's a work day, I sometimes shower and then head to the Boulder Running Company, where I attempt to sell only Reebok shoes hoping that Keith will donate any gear bonusses to me. My sales pitch consists mostly of giving an emphatic thumbs up. I then head tothe Olympic Aquajogging Training Center for my 5 hour pool session with Tom and Paula Radcliffe. Return home, cook dinner for myself and Tom, watch the Office, and maybe clean the apartment.

Just kidding the last part [flashes thumbs up].

JPW2: Funny that you mention aquajogging with Paula. In the past month, can you estimate each of the following to the nearest whole number?

Number of miles you have run:

Nark: 1 (rounded up from 0.25), from the car to the pool, when it was raining.

JPW2: Number of miles you have run in the pool:

Nark: 200 (I'm not allowed to count mileage with girls. Oh wait, that changes nothing)

JPW2: Number of miles Paula has run in the pool:

Nark: 500

JPW2: Number of PBR cans you have drunk:

NarK: I emptied the recycling on Monday, and at current count there are 32 empty PBR cans. If I knew how to use MATLAB, I would extrapolate that to my monthly consumption.

However, if CMah asks, I only drink expensive microbrews. I would give PBR a hearty thumbs down, but I am physically incapable of making that gesture.

JPW2: Oh Lord, here we go again. I hope you and Cmah spend your eternity smugly eating raw hops by yourselves. On the subject of hops, how would you describe your strategy when playing Tom and Keith in backyard basketball games?

Nark: Obviouly the worst strategy possible for either of them would be to pass the ball to me. I'm pretty sure they both know this, but I try to remind them by running like a retard and giggling like a schoolgirl. I play defense most of thetime, where my stragety is derived from CMah's "Indefensible Move." Basically, I wave my hands a lot.

JPW2: Speaking of indefensible, in 2004 you ran a 30:23 in the 10,000 at Heps and then two weeks later ran a like a 9:00ish 3,000 losing to about four McDougals in the same race. Cmon!

Nark: Actually John, I ran 8:39 in that race, and I only lost to two McDougals. However, I also lost to Zack Strong, Noah Kaufmann, Tony Truax, George McArdle, and of course, Robert Wong. I also lost to some guy running as "Liam Butler" but I have a hard time believing that it was actually Liam for several reasons, including the fact that he has never gloated about it. Two weeks later I ran a 15:07 5k where I got second to last losing once again toRobert Wong. I also lost to 3 people from the women's race. However, my girlfriend at the time considered this a good thing because I had stayed up all night with her at some relay to cure cancer and (in her words) "Men suck" and"women rule" and "I am a raging feminist and Nark has to beg for sex."

However, I still consider the season a success. Remember that the previous year I ran 14:38 indoors and 15:41 at Penn Relays. The fact that I finished only 30 seconds off my PR made me far less terrible. But then my legs fell off.

JPW2: Fair enough. 8:39 is faster than at least one person whose PR's I all know by heart has run. About that old girlfriend, remember that time when we were all living at 45/47 Leb and a bat flew in your window and you ran screaming through the house completely naked?

Nark: It's not like you hadn't seen me naked before. At least I wasn't shaving. And that bat was a blood sucking monster. And that's from a guy who knows quite a bit about blood sucking monsters.

JPW2: Changing gears a bit, I only have one more question for you, but before I get to it, I thought I would give you a chance to wax poetic about your favorite day of the year, the first Saturday in August. (Let's not ramble too long here.)

Nark: Obviously you're talking about the Kelley race, which is of course the greatest race of all time, even better than the 1999 Mass. Indoor State Meet 2 mile showndown between Powell and Sanchez. Scenery, rolling trails, cool weather, great company... the race has it all. And by scenery I mean "strip malls," by rolling trails I mean "asphalt roads," by cool weather I mean "average temperature of 95 degrees at race time" and by great company I mean that you have to hang out with myself, Joe Shaw, and Jeff Billing all at the same time. I guess the one actual redeeming feature of the race is that it is free, which has led to appearances by such noteables as Raymond J. Ring III, John P. Welsh II, Jackie Treehorn, and Barry Harwick. The highlight of the race is always the inevitable victory by the We Love Mrs. Kelley (WLMK) team, possibly due to thefact that the scores are made up after the race finishes.

JPW2: Ok, last question. What is a strumper?

Nark: You'll have to ask Hanley about that one... I hear he was one in high school. I think it's a term they use in swimming to describe a swimmer with the skill of Chris Mah, the gracefullness of Carmody, the personal hiegene of Tom, and the speed of George. I think you also have to attempt to play the guitar, which is probably how Hanley qualifies. A drinking problem doesn't hurt either.

I'd really like to be a strumper myself, but I'm just too terrible.

And finally, I'd just like to apologize for the terribleness of this interview.

JPW2: Hurray for Nark!

Ground rule doubles 6/14/07

So I'm going to make a few small changes. I'll try to incorporate more music on a regular basis. For that reason, I'll probably also be taking down alot of old posts to keep from getting prosecuted. Maybe I'll keep up the daily posts, maybe I'll slack a little. Everything will always stay up for at least a week.

In other news, it's hot as hell in Palo Alto, and I like it. My truck (Ol' 98) is in Modesto a long way from me, which is not that sweet. Hopefully he will make it back in one piece.

http://tullawho.googlepages.com/08ModestoisNotThatSweet.mp3

Where there's music, and there's people, and they're young and alive 6/12/07

I'd like to thank djb for helping me figure out how to add music. I've had a mild obsession with an old song from The Smiths the last few days that Hanley and Tom claim is Keith Kelly's favorite and possibly the subject of his next tattoo. I like the nomadic party guy theme as well as the part where he gets cold feet in the underpass, but I think what I like most is that someone can be told several times he will never run again yet he continues to train and race and "live the dream," and his favorite song is titled "There Is A Light That Never Goes Out."

http://tullawho.googlepages.com/TheSmiths-ThereIsALightThatNeverGoes.mp3

6/4/07

I'd like to chronicle my daily diet.

Breakfast: a bowl of raisin bran and a glass of orange juice.
Total cost: ~$1

Lunch: four big free pieces of pizza from Pizza Chicago at a lunch seminar sponsored by our department.
Total cost: $0

Snack: two big free slices of cake at our lab group meeting.
Total cost: $0

Dinner: (I have one hot dog bun, some hamburger meat and some old Mexican blend cheese, so I invent a new type of food - the ham dog cheeseburger that fits in a hot dog bun. It comes out looking more like Hanky the Christmas Poo but still tastes delicious.) ham dog cheeseburger and a glass of orange juice.
Total cost: ~$2

Dessert: vending machine peanut M&M's.
Total cost: $1.05

Total cost on the day: $4.05

I've never really been able to watch cooking shows, but I feel if there was a cooking show that featured poor, single guys that try to cook without a kitchen, I would watch this religiously and be very entertained.

A seatbelt that has no earthly business being there 5/28/07

Well, it happened. 9 years, 10 months, and 22 days after I received my license from the Coffee County Driver License Station despite appearing younger than thirteen and failing to look before changing lanes on the highway, I've finally gotten a ticket. I noticed the cop coming after me on the way home from a run. The only things I imagined might be cause for concern were that my tags are from Tennessee, I wasn't wearing a shirt, and I didn't have my seatbelt on. I quickly put my seatbelt on, since that was the only thing I could correct in a few seconds. Little did I know that I've been wearing my seatbelt wrong for almost a decade. Thank you, Officer V. Larson. Apparently it's illegal to wear the strap under and not over your right arm. Am I sorry for what I did? There's not a day goes by I don't feel regret. Not because I'm at Tiny House and you think I should. I look back on the way I was this morning, a young, stupid kid that committed that terrible crime. I wanna talk to him. I wanna try to talk some sense to him. Tell him the way things are, but I can't. That kid's long gone, and this several hours older man is all that's left. I gotta live with that. Rehabilitated? It's just a bullshit word. So you go on and fill out your citation form Officer V. Larson, and stop wasting my time, because to tell you the truth, I'm hungry, and you're making me late for my golf game.

Venture capital is not for me 5/23/07

A venture capital guy gave a guest lecture in my drug development class this morning. He had some interesting info to present. Here are some tidbits:

"You have to know people and arrange golf games."
- on how to obtain scientific info that never gets published

"Always marry up.....that's what I did."
- on how to afford the high cost of living in the bay area

"I prefer to make money."
- 0n how he decides what kinds of companies to invest in

And one final piece of info: "NOBODY knows what causes lower back pain." This is the part where I threw up. (So I don't know what causes lower back pain either, but I can say from my experience it's definitely not caused by money, marrying up, or networking on the golf course.)

Ground Rules 5/12/07

1. No moping, ever, no matter what.
2. No secret passwords. I like keeping doors unlocked.
3. No intentional Bill Simmons talk or guy-that-wants-to-get-in-his-mailbag talk. I've tried both, and both will probably resurface at some point.
4. At least one wierd reference per day, sort of like a Hold Steady song.
5. One paragraph per day. That is all.
6. One topic per day. That is all.

I don't really care about ground rules (except the first one). I just wanted to set them so that if I decide to revise them, I can then call them ground rule doubles and, if I change them again, ground rule triples. On that note, I'm not sure when the last MLB ground rule triple occured, but I feel like it will happen at least once before Manny Ramirez retires.