An interview 6/22/07

He once finished second in a nice-off contested by only two people. Sometimes you can't see his tree for the forest. He don't know where he's going, and he don't know why. A man like no other, Mr. Mark R. Brissette.

http://tullawho.googlepages.com/ListenToYourHeartDanceRemix.mp3

JPW2: So you are living in Boulder now. What would you say... ya do there?

Nark: You know how the good riders in the Tour de France have domestiques that do all the grunt work for them? I have a similar gig in Boulder except I like to call myself a "domestic" and you have to replace "good rider" with Tom McArdle. And I pronounce it "Tour Day France."

On a typical day I get up early to cook breakfast for Tom. If it's a work day, I sometimes shower and then head to the Boulder Running Company, where I attempt to sell only Reebok shoes hoping that Keith will donate any gear bonusses to me. My sales pitch consists mostly of giving an emphatic thumbs up. I then head tothe Olympic Aquajogging Training Center for my 5 hour pool session with Tom and Paula Radcliffe. Return home, cook dinner for myself and Tom, watch the Office, and maybe clean the apartment.

Just kidding the last part [flashes thumbs up].

JPW2: Funny that you mention aquajogging with Paula. In the past month, can you estimate each of the following to the nearest whole number?

Number of miles you have run:

Nark: 1 (rounded up from 0.25), from the car to the pool, when it was raining.

JPW2: Number of miles you have run in the pool:

Nark: 200 (I'm not allowed to count mileage with girls. Oh wait, that changes nothing)

JPW2: Number of miles Paula has run in the pool:

Nark: 500

JPW2: Number of PBR cans you have drunk:

NarK: I emptied the recycling on Monday, and at current count there are 32 empty PBR cans. If I knew how to use MATLAB, I would extrapolate that to my monthly consumption.

However, if CMah asks, I only drink expensive microbrews. I would give PBR a hearty thumbs down, but I am physically incapable of making that gesture.

JPW2: Oh Lord, here we go again. I hope you and Cmah spend your eternity smugly eating raw hops by yourselves. On the subject of hops, how would you describe your strategy when playing Tom and Keith in backyard basketball games?

Nark: Obviouly the worst strategy possible for either of them would be to pass the ball to me. I'm pretty sure they both know this, but I try to remind them by running like a retard and giggling like a schoolgirl. I play defense most of thetime, where my stragety is derived from CMah's "Indefensible Move." Basically, I wave my hands a lot.

JPW2: Speaking of indefensible, in 2004 you ran a 30:23 in the 10,000 at Heps and then two weeks later ran a like a 9:00ish 3,000 losing to about four McDougals in the same race. Cmon!

Nark: Actually John, I ran 8:39 in that race, and I only lost to two McDougals. However, I also lost to Zack Strong, Noah Kaufmann, Tony Truax, George McArdle, and of course, Robert Wong. I also lost to some guy running as "Liam Butler" but I have a hard time believing that it was actually Liam for several reasons, including the fact that he has never gloated about it. Two weeks later I ran a 15:07 5k where I got second to last losing once again toRobert Wong. I also lost to 3 people from the women's race. However, my girlfriend at the time considered this a good thing because I had stayed up all night with her at some relay to cure cancer and (in her words) "Men suck" and"women rule" and "I am a raging feminist and Nark has to beg for sex."

However, I still consider the season a success. Remember that the previous year I ran 14:38 indoors and 15:41 at Penn Relays. The fact that I finished only 30 seconds off my PR made me far less terrible. But then my legs fell off.

JPW2: Fair enough. 8:39 is faster than at least one person whose PR's I all know by heart has run. About that old girlfriend, remember that time when we were all living at 45/47 Leb and a bat flew in your window and you ran screaming through the house completely naked?

Nark: It's not like you hadn't seen me naked before. At least I wasn't shaving. And that bat was a blood sucking monster. And that's from a guy who knows quite a bit about blood sucking monsters.

JPW2: Changing gears a bit, I only have one more question for you, but before I get to it, I thought I would give you a chance to wax poetic about your favorite day of the year, the first Saturday in August. (Let's not ramble too long here.)

Nark: Obviously you're talking about the Kelley race, which is of course the greatest race of all time, even better than the 1999 Mass. Indoor State Meet 2 mile showndown between Powell and Sanchez. Scenery, rolling trails, cool weather, great company... the race has it all. And by scenery I mean "strip malls," by rolling trails I mean "asphalt roads," by cool weather I mean "average temperature of 95 degrees at race time" and by great company I mean that you have to hang out with myself, Joe Shaw, and Jeff Billing all at the same time. I guess the one actual redeeming feature of the race is that it is free, which has led to appearances by such noteables as Raymond J. Ring III, John P. Welsh II, Jackie Treehorn, and Barry Harwick. The highlight of the race is always the inevitable victory by the We Love Mrs. Kelley (WLMK) team, possibly due to thefact that the scores are made up after the race finishes.

JPW2: Ok, last question. What is a strumper?

Nark: You'll have to ask Hanley about that one... I hear he was one in high school. I think it's a term they use in swimming to describe a swimmer with the skill of Chris Mah, the gracefullness of Carmody, the personal hiegene of Tom, and the speed of George. I think you also have to attempt to play the guitar, which is probably how Hanley qualifies. A drinking problem doesn't hurt either.

I'd really like to be a strumper myself, but I'm just too terrible.

And finally, I'd just like to apologize for the terribleness of this interview.

JPW2: Hurray for Nark!